"I'll never get used to anything. Anybody that does, they might as well be dead."
- Breakfast at Tiffany's
Name:
Age:
Gender:Girl (as opposed to 'female'!)
Location: London
No other cut-and-dried defination is available simply because I do not define myself in other ways. I can identify that I am a girl, cos, for the moment, I am quite happy being one. At least, being a girl doesn't bother me. And for the moment, I'm living in London and I feel absolutely a Londoner, albeit a non-native one.
"It's My Life"
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previous entries
hill-walking in easter
cycling in easter
looking forward to czech cycling
applying for internships
directing a play
[PAUSE]
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learn perl
reading news online
revamp website
[PLAY]
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catch up with academic work
STUDY!!!!
jogging every alternate day
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write letters
plans for summer??
SiTeS:
[Pitas.com]
[scribbles]
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i-banking
Tuesday, June 11, 2002
05:59 p.m.
just came back from a "Women in Investment Banking" initiative... a 24-hour experience with investment banks. it was a really really great experience, and i'm really glad i went for it. to imagine i'd almost pulled out of it cos my exams are tomorrow, and the thing lasted from yesterday 4pm to today 4.30pm.
i visited morgan stanley in the morning, and commerzbank in the afternoon. in morgan stanley, we did an investment banking case study thingey which they use quite often for their assessment centres, and it was really interesting and good fun. it gave me a good overview of what is involved in investment banking, what kind of problems they deal with and what kind of issues they analyse. like we were deciding between acquiring a low risk, lower profit margin firm in the UK, or one in a high risk, higher profit margin firm in a fictional country called Eurotania. and we had to discuss the pros and cons of each option, choose a certain option, make assumptions (sounds JUST like econs where we make assumptions left and right when using a model!). and we had to take note of what added information we need to make a more informed decision and so on, and it was really cool. cos i imagine that issues like these are what mergers and acquisitions people actually deal with in their lives. and these are real problems and points they'd have to consider.
in commerzbank, the highlight was the trading game. each group was given 10,000 pounds and we could use the money to buy and sell commodities like ferraris, panasonic dvd players, nike trainers, and so on. there were 6-7 'rounds', and during each round, "news" would be read out, like: "david beckham bought a new ferrari" or "new video technology has been unveiled" and we would have to buy and sell according to how we think the market would react to the news. sometimes they would give red-herring news like: "prince charles and camilla were seen in hyde park", which was pretty much hilarious, cos we were like: "SO?!" we would all be yelling out: "sell all X-Boxes for Orange team. buy 50 nikes" and so on, and the entire "trading floor" was tumultuous as fingers flew over calculators calculating how much capital our commodities would raise, debating urgently which commodities we should keep, which should be sold, and rushing to yell out our orders before the "market closed". my team (orange... yeah!!) won, cos at the end of the entire game, we had 27,000 pounds, which was almost twice the second place (15,000), so i got a 10 pound HMV voucher, which is not too bad. =)
investment banking is a very male-dominated industry. in morgan stanley, there were relatively more women on the trading floors (we only went on a tour of the equity and fixed income trading floors. we didn't visit other divisions like corporate finance etc, so i don't know abt the situations elsewhere), but in commerzbank, the entire trading floor was a sea of males. when we went on a tour of the trading floor, i really don't know if WE were looking at them more, or whether THEY were looking at US more... because i supposed it's not often that a whole group of girls walk about the almost-exclusively male domain. in commerzbank, because of the overwhelming masculine presence, i really felt the testosterone-charged atmosphere, and i could understand why women find the industry intimidating. morgan stanley was not AS bad... or maybe cos morgan stanley has a more relaxed dress-code, so the men were not as overtly masculine as those in commerzbank.
but anyway... i rather think i would enjoy the challenge and fun of being in a very male domain, cos i really like the competitive, testoesterone-charged atmosphere. besides, i think it feels really good to be a woman, especially a successful, smart and sharp woman, in a male environment... cos it pretty much is a challenge to them... you think women can't make it? watch this. =) [yeah... i'm still as fiercely feminist as ever!] and of course... it might be fun being one of the few girls with a whole pool of guys at your disposal. i rather think it would be interesting to date an ibanker (if i'm one myself)... but not to marry one. it'll be really cool to have someone as sharp and snappy as you... someone on the same wavelength, with a similar way of life... being always on the lookout for news and events and constantly on the go. i like that.
but i think, in the end... even if i will be able to date an ibanker... i don't think women in investment banking have much of a life, much less a love life. quite a few of the senior ladies we met aren't married. some of them are, but they seem to have married late, or at least delayed having kids until a much older age (probably past their thirties). so i think that if i'm an ibanker, even if i date a fellow ibanker... just casually... go out for the occasional drinks and so on... i don't see myself settling down anytime soon. i think i won't even end up dating maybe.. since i imagine everyone will go for drinks after work and hang out together... so there's no real need to date anyway.
cos while some luckier ibankers get to work relatively shorter hours... like they get to work at 7.30am and go home at 6.30 pm, most ibankers work a MINIMUM of 12 hours a day. some get in at before half six (6.30 am), and only go home at half eight (8.30pm). so i don't really see time for a proper social life outside of your office and colleagues. which is pretty cool for me at the moment. i mean... i rather like the idea of being really involved in my work and being really dedicated. cos i think im the kind who would either hate something, or throw myself into it passionately. and guess what? i think investment banking does it for me. i really like the buzz... and i think i would really really love it.
i especially like trading i think... cos it's really fast-paced and constantly moving, although i think M&A and so on would be more intellectual and serious. but i think when i'm younger, i would really love to do trading... cos i think it may have the longest hours anyway. i can see myself for quite couple of years, in a suit, or maybe not, depending on the dress-code... being on the phone and internet all day, trading equities and bonds.
yeah... i think this is IT for me man... this is THE life. i like the City. i like the idea of a nonstop market... london takes over the books from tokyo, and passes it on to new york... or the Asia desk to the UK desk to the US desk... and people come and go at various times during the day. that's way cool. i really hope i get a place somewhere. preferaly morgan stanley, cos im quite easily brainwashed, and they seem quite good... the working culture and support... and i feel quite wined and dined... small, lowly first-year that i am! :>
i think this could be my ticket out of depression. this could be my grand passion indeed. move over love... welcome career!!!
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what is affinity?
Wednesday, June 5, 2002
08:12 p.m.
Main Entry: af·fin·i·ty
Pronunciation: &-'fi-n&-tE
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -ties
Etymology: Middle English affinite, from Middle French or Latin; Middle French afinité, from Latin affinitas, from affinis bordering on, related by marriage, from ad- + finis end, border
Date: 14th century
1 : relationship by marriage
2 a : sympathy marked by community of interest : KINSHIP b (1) : an attraction to or liking for something affinity to darkness -- Mark Twain> affinity for each other -- Abby Mandel> (2) : an attractive force between substances or particles that causes them to enter into and remain in chemical combination c : a person especially of the opposite sex having a particular attraction for one
3 a : likeness based on relationship or causal connection affinity between the teller of a tale and the craftsman -- Mary McCarthy> affinities to a case history, a psychoanalysis, a detective story -- Oliver Sacks> b : a relation between biological groups involving resemblance in structural plan and indicating a common origin
synonym see ATTRACTION
SOURCE: MERRIAM-WEBSTER ONLINE
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party-time!!!!
Sunday, June 2, 2002
01:02 a.m.
HIYA FOLKS!!!! I'm BAAAACCCKK!!!!
Yes... I've been through the exams (actually I have just the one more paper... but that's on 12th june, which is like... the next decade practically...)... and survived!! Yes!! -- At least until the results are out.
Stats was decent. I mean... its scored and marked upon 120 marks... cos we are allowed 6 questions of 20 marks each and all will be marked. but the marks are capped at 100. So basically its meant to be a scoring paper to pull your average up. I think I wasted this chance... but I *think* I'll be able to scrape at least a 70... which is just about above passing level anyway... i mean... 70 upon 120... But that was cos I was so seriously underprepared for the exam, it was amazing. And I had trouble sleeping the night before the paper, so by the time I got to sleep, the sky was bright outside my window... yes... it gets bright from about 3.30am onwards nowadays... summer.
right now, I'm planning my party schedule. tomorrow morning, we're going down early to 'chope' seats for the world cup match between england and sweden (i think i'm going to watch EVERY match or something..). then tomorrow night we're most probably going clubbing. kok lik is coming back sometime tomorrow. monday we're going to watch the queen's golden jubilee procession (at least i *think* its on monday...). tuesday jinnie's coming. next friday (7 june), we're probably going down to school to watch the england-argentina match in the peacock theatre (yes... the football-mad english are showing ireland and england matches in our biggest lecture theatre and stage). and leng tuan did suggest shopping. 12th is my econs history paper (>yawns<). 17th leng tuan was thinking of watching 'mamma mia' although i prefer 'kiss me kate'. and i have the whole of 23 june to 4 july by myself in boring old london. i think i'm going to die. almost makes me feel like heading off to italy.
everybody seems to have really cool summer plans... zhaotan with his first europe circuit, and yingxi joining him. carolyn will be going to netherlands for a three-day trip of sorts. xin min will be heading to lake district and up to scotland with her psc friend. jackie and chee wei are going to italy. shu ling is going on a daytrip to york, and she and zhong wen might be going somewhere.
i'm suddenly feeling a bit blue. :> i feel so boring... staying in london after my exams. and after that... not in london... but in good old england. maybe i'll drag jinnie down to brighton. but i really dread to pay the undoubtedly hefty summer hostel fees in brighton of all places. but it's just so proper and right to visit brighton. after all, that's where all the ditzy Bennet sisters and various other Jane Austen girls go during summer. I just *have* to visit Brighton... in summer!
the summer spirit is truly here! today i went to 'kai-kai' in St Jame's park. there were loads of white brits, stripped down to their bare minimum, tanning in the sun. the men would be topless and bermuda-ed, or topless and in shorts (or were they boxers?!) so short that I thought it was just a towel covering the vital area. most women were in sleeveless tops and spaghetti straps, although there were a couple who went so far as to wear a bikini top... in a park!!! i had quite a nice warm bake in the sun too... although it was not as long as i would have liked it to be... being as appalling fair-to-almost-pasty as i am now. i regret not wearing shorts.
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EC102
Monday, May 27, 2002
08:15 p.m.
yeah yeah... I *know* I'm getting boring, and getting to sound very much like a nerd, what with my constant mug-speak. Hey... but it's the exams yeah... so give me a break to be super mugger-toady and nerd-talk! =)
today, my boring, mundane, totally unspectaclar entry will be about my... surprise surprise... EC102 (econs) paper. I think I did okay.
My paper is divided into 3 sections. First section is 8 short True/False Micro short questions and 8 True/False Macro short questions. Second section is 3 Micro long questions (choose 1 out of 3); third is 3 Macro long questions (choose 1 out of 3).
I think I got all my Micro short correct: all false (I think)... but my reasoning is a bit shaky and I've made a couple of mistakes. My Macro short is also all correct except for one... this is based on comparing answers with the others. And my Macro long is pretty much rock solid, and I think I kinda scraped up a halfway decent Micro long question... so I think... and *hope* i can scrape through with a 70 again.
This is quite fantastic, considering I only started revising Macro last night at 8 pm, got distracted and ended up talking on the phone for 1 hour, finished skimming through my notes at 11.30pm, went through my class exercises till 1 am... and then tossed and turned on my bed for ages (I kept shifting my IS-LM curves trying to solve problems while half asleep). And... I woke up 8 am for a morning paper. So... it wasn't too bad... =)
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bored II
Sunday, May 26, 2002
01:34 a.m.
forgot to describe something... which goes to show how absolutely bored out of my skuill i was.
earlier today/yesterday... before xin min cooked the porridge, i was so bored... and i cant call anyone since i've exceeded my minutes like nobody's business, that i called her on our extension. i called her using my hall phone, and she sat facing her laptop, away from me... and we had a short conversation! it was really ridiculous.... haha
i tell you... i'm not born to study. i think its practically a physical impossibility in my case.... i sit down for five minutes... and i suddenly have the urge to go to the toilet, or whatever.
like nowadays, whenever i'm not doing anything, INSTINCTIVELY i walk to the door, wear my slippers, and head out to the toilet... even if i've gone to the toilet 3 times in the past 15 minutes (yes, that's my current record).
how sad is that?
really... i simply CANNOT study... WAAAHHH. some people are good at studying... they actually *like* studying. let *them* study and earn oodles of cash and support me. *i*'m born to be a tai-tai, i've decided. WAAAHHH.
sorry kev, that i can't start up my own company and hire you as my personal chief executive adviser...
yups... my career plan is now to be a tai-tai. so please direct any applicants to me. haha.
i think i'm realy going to faint of boredom. i'm already eating as often as it's physically possible... cooking.... i mean... it's COOKING (!!) man!!!... jogging... going to toilet more often than is physically possible.... checking out the latest deals at supermarkets (we visit Safeways every other day)... even putting on make-up in my room once, even though i wasn't going anywhere at all the whole day (i don't even wear make-up when i go out!!)... and now... i've resorted to the desperate of calling my own roommate in our own room, while she was 2 metres away from me.
this exam is driving me INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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bored
Saturday, May 25, 2002
10:22 p.m.
by the way... i realized that i made ANOTHER careless mistake in my maths paper... that will be another 5 marks gone. bummer...
bored out of my skull again.... xin min just finished cooking porridge with egg. we're *that* bored...
i'm thinking of revamping this site... the look of it... i'm bored bored bored. i feel really bored and i hate studying. i'm pretty much bored with life actually...
i'm thinking of some kind of drastic change... like maybe i should dye my hair... or change my hobbies... or change my personality or something. like maybe next year i should stop being arty-farty... stop being interested in drama and doing something else instead or something. - oh i was thinking of taking up swing dance next year. and maybe i should join some random socialist movement or something... haha.
i was thinking of visiting US next year or something...
did i mention that i'm bored?
if anybody can think of something for me to do... like some cause for me to take up... or some funky anything... please tell me.
boredboredbored.
by the way... i took some more photos... haha... might upload it another day...
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one down, three to go
Thursday, May 23, 2002
07:54 p.m.
just finished my first paper today... MA100 (Mathematical Methods).
it felt really good... i think i'm pretty confident about the paper... i *should* be able to scrape through and get more than 70 marks if i'm not mistaken... or at the very least a high 60s... so if all goes well... this will be the first first class i need... two more first classes to go... and three more papers....
last night as i did my first and only timed run-through of a maths paper, i almost died cos i didnt know how to do anything.... i think it was cos i panicked, and so forgot everything, PLUS i made a thousand and one careless mistakes.... after doing the paper, i was semi-hysterical and joking about how wonderfully prepared i was for the exam when i suddenly burst into tears... haha. my hostel friends will all know how i always panic before my exams. i get really emotionally roller-coaster-y and cry every other day during the exam period. but this exam i'm surprisingly calm and panicked really late...
anyway, i woke up today, really psyched for my paper. i woke up, read a bit of my past year paper answers to the mistake i'd made previously, brushed teeth and washed my face while reading the formulas stuck up on my wardrobe, changed, pinned my hair up, tied my short hair into two bunches the way i did in the regent's park pics (to keep the hair off my face and to physically get into the study/exam mode... its a ritual i undergo everytime i study now), went for breakfast, then strolled to school. i was so psyched up, i would bounce around and burst into mini on-the-spot jogs... =) it was practically retarded, as i held my two water bottles in my hand, i was like: "these are grenades which i'm going to throw at the enemy... hah!" and sporadically i'll pop out with the CS phrase: "go,go,go... fire in the hole!" haha...
it was okay anyway... even though i didnt do as much work as i ought to have done.. and i did MUCH LESS work than anyone else... i think i'll pull through. anyway... its not like this is the first time i've done much less work than everyone else... so i figure i should be okay... i hope. the important thing is, i felt like i did my best in the exams. i made one HUGE careless calculation mistake... but my steps were right. and another careless mistake. and one part of another question, it totally didnt occur to me how to do it, although it was really simple in the end. but i think i'll lose at the most about 15 marks for them... so i have about 15 more marks leeway for other tiny bits which i wasn't sure of.... ASSUMING that i didnt make other tragically humongous careless mistakes...
ah well... i'll just take it that i've bagged my first first and i have two more to go. yay... =) not that i'll be slack... doing well usually just encourages me to do even better since i'll feel all buoyed up and hopeful. if i did badly, i'll be really blue, depressed and discouraged. as it is now... i'm quite cheery... =) next is econs... which aint too bad. i'm hoping to scrape a 70... but my teacher says we should be happy if we can get 60. so i'll be happy if i get 60. so that isnt the most stressful one. the one which really stresses me out if stats, cos we're supposed to really score like mad in it, cos we can do 6 questions of 20 marks each... and the paper is only upon 100... and they will just add up the scores for the full six questions for our marks (but if you get more than 100 marks, they'll just cap it at 100)... which means that we effectively get 20 marks 'free'... so i feel really pressured to get like 80 or 90 for that... since most Singaporeans get like 90+.
okay, i gotta go Carr-Saunders to study stats now... although my econs paper is before stats... but ah well... =)
ciao-sers dudes and dudettes! =)
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stress management
Wednesday, May 22, 2002
12:49 p.m.
virtually every exam, i take something up. somewhere in sec 2 i think... during the exam period, i felt this sudden artistic urge and began painting semi-frenetically every other day. other times, i just feel the need to educate myself (in MY definition... which means reading literary books) NOW.
this time... i've taken up jogging... and of all things... COOKING! yups... i spend my whole day itching to go out shopping at Safeways to buy food and random snacks... cos i get bored easily and cannot survive without food.
i think it was monday... i went to safeways, bought chicken. and RIGHT AFTER dinner... and i really mean right after... xin min and i started deep-frying chicken covered with one of those funky deep-fry powder which comes in little satchets. it was our first attempt at deep frying chicken. it was surprisingly tasty for a first try! =) [anyway, after that, we ate chocolate-muffin0-mouse bought for us by LT and SL; and also grapes, when the 3 visitors ... yes... 3 people from US are visting the 4 of us during our exam time!... came down to our room)
then yesterday, i cooked fusili with pasta sauce for lunch, which i had bought on monday (the day before). but since the pasta wasn't filling, xin min cooked some instant noodles and we ate that.
then at night, after doing a few maths questions, i got so bored that i felt like eating yet again. so we ended up cooking porridge with egg and soy-sauce in the rice cooker... which basically involves watching the cooker and adding in copious amounts of water at intervals. it wasn't too bad.
today. i'm going off soon to cook fusili for lunch again... this time with chees!! =)
i figure if i do one paper in the afternoon, and one at night... i *should* be fine...
oh ya... i've taken to reading about the world cup as well... since kok lik left his world cup magazine in my room. i read about the england players or the different teams in between questions.
i have a feeling i'm going to come out of the exams briiming with knowledge and skills... none of which are academic-related! =)
wish me luck...
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summer time!
Friday, May 17, 2002
04:21 p.m.
Kok Lik is here, Jinnie is coming, Steph MIGHT come, and i MIGHT go on a short trip with Qitao... yippee... i feel like the most loved little girl in the world! what more could a girl ask for? =) oh yes - "one first class please!" =)
was just walking along oxford street today... its truly truly spring-summer now!! maybe more like summer....
i love london in rising-summer! its just so alive and vibrant... so full of colour... the streets are alive with people. everywhere are people in spaghetti straps, shirt-sleeves, berms, shorts, sandals... i love it when people wear berms and spahetti straps... or colourful floral skirts... its just so young and jumpy... unlike the dreariness of winter, when everyone wears black and grey, and everyone is bundled up in layers of clothing. the feeling of inhibition is almost oppressive in winter. but in summer, the feeling of warmth, and generosity spills over, as the flesh is exposed to the sun.
there's a feast of bosoms... as the girls start wearing skimpy clothes... and it's really... wow... its a really good time for guys to be in london, let me tell you that!
its just so fun and free and breezy.... everyone is happy and bouncing along. the sun is bright and shining... maybe its cos the winter months are so short and dreary... that once the comes out, everyone is just so happy... *I*'m just so happy.... i can feel the happiness radiating from the concrete... =)
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kok lik
Friday, May 17, 2002
06:53 a.m.
kok lik is here now. he arrived sometime monday... he's SO tall... haha... as always... =). and he's grown up again... everytime i see him, he changes a bit... soon, i reckon i'll not recognise him! =)
i was sitting down looking at him, and commenting: 'his(your) face is wider now...', 'his(your) hair is longer'... the people here say its like i'm seeing a long-lost son or nephew. i'm like: "wha..?!" but i haven't seen him in like a year or something... maybe more.
yoke phun, siew wei and chin kit... you guys should see him man!! i think he's becoming quite the gentleman.. - i never knew the US bred gentlemen! ...he's growing to be positively sweet (even if he does say i expect a lot from guys, which is really rank of him!), and i'm really proud of him. even if i have to stand on the bed to hug him... or else i swear i'll be at his stomach level or something!
and not only that... now he has like... a decent physique... heh heh... girls' talk... you guys should nab him when he gets back to malaysia and check him out man... i didn't notice it for the longest time till the second day he was here admittedly... but then i was like: "oh my god.."1 i mean, i was really stunned... cos its like kok lik right? i hope he doesn't get TOO beefy though.
i spent years and years seeing him as a little boy (i'm so sorry again kok lik... i know i know.. but i can't help it!)... i just positively refuse to see him as a grown up. but now i feel very clunked on the head by some heavy object. he's on the way there... in a few years' time... quite a few years down the line, thankfully enough... he'll be all ready to get married and i'll be really sad... haha... i'll dab my eyes with a hanky and wave it at him.
but he still seems to be the same old kok lik in many ways... not that i've seen him much since he's been here... and not that i've ever known him very well... which is kind of depressing when you think about the LENGTH of time i've known him. but he's still as adorable and as much of a darling since the old hua zhong days... but more gentlemanly and manly. although he was like: "you condemn all of us just cos of the one thing lip ban did?" [i will remember to my dying day, the day sec 2 when lip ban asked siew wei to carry hoe yan's birthday cake! that SO takes the cake... pun not intended!] so maybe... he wasn't that bad in the past... since in all fairness i don't think kok lik was there when ban did that... so i probably shuldn't be that impressed either! =)
1. for the record, jackie thought he must have more than a "decent physique" (my exact words) cos i sounded so impressed over the phone. but for the record again, in my defence, i don't have much expectation of guys' physiques... since i don't really like beefy guys anyway.
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summer loving?
Friday, May 17, 2002
06:47 a.m.
went to sleep at 9 pm last night... was just so shack. woke up at 5.30 am cos it was so bloody bright outside. yes... in winter, the sky could be dark at 3.30 pm in the afternoon, on th shortest day of the year. Now in spring-nearing-summer, its still bright at 9 pm, and the day breaks at about 4+ in the morning. how screwed up is this??
i still don't know what i'm doing in summer. damn!
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siew wei i got your letter!!
Monday, May 13, 2002
10:11 p.m.
siew wei dearest... got your letter today. yay!!!! =) i *love* love letters. felt kinda inspired to write back immediately on the spot instantaneously... but my exams are coming up... and you know how it is with me during exam time. mind you.. i *did* start a letter to you sometime ago, but never gotten around to finishing it. same with kevin dearest. :p >hangs head in shame<
i just finished 'marking' my 1998 Maths paper which i took 3 days to finish (what is supposed to be finished in 3 hours)... and was finished on the 5th of May. i can't remember half of what i wrote down anyway, and i've spent the time since that doing ONLY stats, so everything is clean gone from my brain and i haven't touched a jot of micro econs.
after marking the paper, i got really giddy... the kind of lightheaded feeling you get when you know exactly how much you DO NOT know... i had to gasp for breath as my head just spun and spun. i'm like: "oh my god..."
it doesn't help that xin min my conscientious room mate has done 2 past year maths papers, is doing her 3rd econs past year paper; leng tuan has done 2 past year econs papers; and shu ling has finished 3 econs past years in 1 week. i have done only just THE ONE maths past year paper.
i must be calm. i feel like killing myself. how many times have i promised myself that i will change BY THE NEXT EXAM??!! although i did start 'kinda-revising' 2 months before... i didn't properly 'pia'... and now i'm like: "shit. not again." i get the same giddifying, lightheaded feeling evry exam. shit shit shit.
by the way siew wei... yes yes yes... about what you think i feel right now... the discontentedness due to the absence... hmm... you said that the sentiments never change but the intensity is greater..? =) in a way its true... cos i never really had this kind of condition, not seriously. but it *almost* isn't too bad... there is the one saving grace... but it will be bad again soon. tell you about it after my exam. scout's honour i will write you (never mind that i have never been a scout! >lopsided grin<)... kevin too... promise!
>deep breath<
"calm, i must be calm" (quote from when dishes fly)
kevin!!!! how?! i'm so so sorry... i'm an ass. no worries... i will pull through... i must. i think steph is probably doing fine and correcting her slacker ways, or at least learning how to carry off the slacking and yet still survive.
gonna make it gonna make it gonna make it. please don't kill me if i screw up this time...
be still, my wildly beating heart.
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exam stress
Saturday, May 11, 2002
03:06 p.m.
there comes a point when the exam stress hits you. i think it's beginning to hit me now, thank goodness. i think i had forgotten how to study... how to survive on a few hours' sleep and work on and on for the whole day. but i see people around me doing that, and i'm beginning to feel the heat. but i haven't even finished studying my subjects, much less do endless amounts of exam papers. and my exercises are so difficult, simply because i don't understand the stats notes (i'm mugging stats now) and i don't know what on earth the questions are asking for. and i don't have a nice place which i love to study in.
how i miss the good old RJ days of skipping school to study at Holland V Starbucks or Delifrance, or at Ghim MOh Macs. Or else skivving lessons to study at the tables above the hall... and then the staying over in school for one whole week to study maths day and night and night and day till it was coming out of my ears. haha... that was studying man! =) especially for the school canteen. that was like the BEST place to study. having everyone mugging around you really set you in the mugging mood. what with the water cooler and vending machine nearby, and the faithful 7-11 open 24-hours just 10-minute's walk away... and buying teh from the Ghim Moh shop at midnight...
i miss RJ, and all my chao-mugging mates... =) Hope everyone's doing well in their exams, if they're still having any exams... somehow i have a feeling that only us sad UK-ers are still having exams... =) and hope kev is doing well at his job. =)
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"Sleep no more!"
Friday, May 10, 2002
11:02 p.m.
"Methought I heard a voice cry "Sleep no more,
Macbeth does murder sleep" the innocent sleep,
Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care,
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath,
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast."
"What do you mean?"
"Still it cried "Sleep no more" to all the house,
"Glamis hath murdered sleep, and therefore Cawdor
Shall sleep no more, Macbeth shall sleep no more.""
I've been consistently sleeping at about 2 am + for the past WEEK. I think I'm going to go crazy with the lack of sleep. the almost constant headache which thuds dully at my temples.
Today I resolved to bed at 9 pm. I hit the pillow thankfully, with the omnipresent headache still... uh... present (duh! =))... of course, thinking to enter into a sweet, blisssful sleep almost instantaneously.
yeah right. after more than an hour of tossing and turning and willing myself: "Sleep, dammit!", I decided to give up, and get up. - I think I've gotten to used to sleeping at the unhealthy, ungodly hour of 2 am +. crap crap crap.
I hope and pray fervently that I'm not returning to my pre-A-Levels insomniac days. Please please let me sleep.
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his name is jeff cotten
Sunday, May 5, 2002
08:08 p.m.
i popped by at http://omega99.pitas.com again, as i periodically do, when i re-read my old entries here. and it strikes me that i always have to scroll around to search for the two entries that touched a chord with me. so i've decided to note the two entries:
* entry about apathy - Feb 18, 2002
* entry about being 21 - Nov 13, 2001.
i think one day i'll cut and paste the two entries somewhere... in case this guy ever deletes his journal.
he still talks to sarah. but this is what he wrote on May 2, 2002: "I'm starting to even enjoy being single."
maybe me too.
anyway, i don't know this guy... but i'm on his side. and he seems to have come out okay. his latest entries have been pretty positive... and it makes me happy. and all things considered, things haven't turned out too badly for me either. and we both have a life... this i've-just-discovered-his-name-is-jeff-i-don't-know-who-he-is-and-he-doesn't-know-i-exist-guy, and i... life's not too bad. and that's always good. =)
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another one of those tests
Saturday, May 4, 2002
11:56 p.m.
xin min and i were surfing and she egged me to take this "what kind of pet are you?" test... another one of those countless quirky internet tests. so i took it. at first i didn't want to put the result on my page. but then i thought: what the hell... might as well... since the cat reminded me of steph, so i was quite happy. and the cat is kinda cute as well. anyway, i wonder what steph will get if she takes the test. =)
i'm a cat.
what kinda pet are you?
quiz made by muna.
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regent's park
Saturday, May 4, 2002
10:00 p.m.
we went to regent's park today to jog... xin min brought a digicam so we took loads of pictures... and i thought i looked quite good in some of them... =)
Bleah... it doesn't work... cos geocities doesn't allow me to link to their pix... Oops... it does work after all... heh... never mind. but anyway, i can't upload the photos to my main website cos it requires an ftp client, and not only is my laptop virus-infected and therefore sent to abs for repair... even if i had my laptop, i'm net-exiled (yes.... AGAIN..) cos my LAN card broke... and although i have nicked Qitao's LAN card, i don't have an RJ-45 adaptor, cos Qitao's adaptor is with Lee Meng Yeow... bleah... =(
anyway, i plonked my some of the pix here .
my fave picture is the one of the sky with leaves. i really liked my hair too.... i tied everything up... clipped and tied.... so that it won't flop onto my face. i love the clear, neat... carefree feeling.
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