a punch in the stomach
Sometimes things can just whoosh out of nowhere and hit you so hard in stomach that your eyes go blurry. It doesn't help that I've only had 1 hour's sleep in the past 48 hours.
blogging therapy
I work on my blog for therapy. I've updated the #name links for the individual entries on this page, sorted out some photos from my winter hols (on the what's up drop-down box), did a meta-refresh for my angelfire index in case anyone stumbles there.
to be
etre the always forever that i once knew
the happy ever after for me and you
will it be?
or is it:
etre the always forever that i once knew
the happy ever after for me and you
will never be.
everytime i think i know i'm free, it seems you will not let me go. just the sound of your name or hearing that someone associated with you, will be here in london, and the blinding light goes off in my head. and i have to walk away.
what did i do to deserve this?
i'm probably just overwrought from lack of sleep.
logically speaking:
1. i am okay. i have a brilliant future ahead of me.
2. i was okay. i went back to the little island and it didn't hurt as much as i thought it would.
3. i believe in fate. if you marry her eventually... well it is REALLY your loss. but then it depends on what your utility function depends on.
4. i am not being the least bit logical or sensible.
5. we don't even have that much in common. and what made us uncommon was 'yeu'. and if that no longer exists, then you are as a normal person. a perfect stranger. wandering the world as i am. but then oh why do you have to be in the same city? why do i have to hear of you? if i don't hear of you... then it is okay, then it is as if it has never been. and i can breathe. but whenever i just hear of you. it's been two and a half years. please get out of my head. there surely can't be just one love for each of us in the world.
6. the saddest thing is... he doesn't even know i exist anymore. he never hears of me. doesn't remember, doesn't think of me, doesn't care. and i'm sitting here by the stump of tree.
I'M A RETARD.
OR: I'm PMS-ing..
I used to pray that you'll be happy, preferably with me again in future. Then i started praying that you'd be happy with anyone but with her. Then it was preferably not with her. Then it was that you'd be happy, as long as you were happy, even with her. And I just prayed that I will be able to accept it. I try my best.
One day, I know I will wake up and all that I feel for you will be gone. And when that day comes, it will be as if I wake up from a dream and I'll be like: Why did I ever..?
Maybe that has happened to you already. Maybe you have already woken up from the dreamworld that still has me in its grips.
But I do believe, that I would have been the best. The best for you, among all the possible states of the world. And maybe you'll find that out one day. Or maybe you think I'm crazy and deluded, because you've forgotten me. I shouldn't let my life be influenced by someone who cares not. Even if you think I'm crazy, that is the truth. Hypothetically if we had gone on, compared to all other states of the world (except for really exceptional cases which are totally beyond foresight. eg. the stockmarket crash of '87 - those kind of freak acts of God)... ah well. Joss.
I came across this site metafilter.com. And I actually saw links to a page with the official/original/outdated/obsolete definition of a weblog. Apparently, the original weblog functioned almost as a mini filter/search engine. Each weblog generally had a theme, and the owners searched out interesting bits of news from around the wed, related to said theme, posted up the link and included commentaries. Hmmm... interesting. I never knew that. Just goes to show how we can learn something new every day (my personal belief and motto in life, esp near exams, when EVERYTHING from my syllabus that I learn is, amazingly enough, new to me!). They also had a link with the comprehensive history of weblogs. Again, an interesting read if you're interested in the origin of things.
Anyway, inspired by the founding fathers (no sexism implied here. except 'founding fathers' alliterate the way 'founding mothers' don't) of weblogs, I have decided to follow their example and put up some links as well.
First, I'm actually going to put up links that Christopher Conkey of WSJ Europe suggested in this weekend's edition of Wall Street Journal Europe (thanks Chris, wherever you are!). These are websites that follow the US campaign trails, which I'm following avidly right now... so that's the most exciting thing around.
I'm not supposed to be writing this. Again because of my long-overdue Law essay. But I've just gotten news that a friend of mine will be working in New York. She was supposed to work in the same London office as I, but she requested for a transfer to the New York office, got interviewed, and then offered. And that's why I'm in a bit of a mess right now.
I envy her. But she deserves it, for having had the initiative to ask for the transfer. I wish I had thought of it myself.
And I'm crying because it's my dream to work and live in the Big Apple. In New York city. When I was little girl (okay... 12-14 years old), I dreamed of living in a penthouse in either LA or New York (now I think I much prefer NY to LA, though I haven't been to LA. But I've heard the crime rates and inequality there are atrocious). I dreamed of working there. In some versions I was living with my three other friends: Siew Wei, Yoke Phun, and Chin Kit. In other versions, we stayed at different places, but on weekends, we'd have a pajamas-party with pizza and movie marathons.
And the first time I went to New York city, in December 1999... I fell in love with it. And it was an amazing, heart-stopping kind of love. The sea of people, the lights of Broadway and Times Square, the round-the-clock subway, the ENERGY. Steph and I went crazy rushing up and down the streets of New York. Our excitement knew no bounds. Me, it was while crossing the road, with masses of people around me walking across the road in both directions, that I knew... I knew this was where I wanted to be. At least for a few years, especially when I'm young. I felt the vibes of New York City in my bones, and I relished the feeling of anonymity, of losing myself in the crowd, of drowning in sea of faces. I could be no one there. I can be who I am, free. And I could scream or do somersaults and it'll all be good. No one would care. New York is a city of dreams. And I told myself I will return. No matter what, if it takes all my life, I will be back (to quote Arnie).
I returned there in 2001, briefly. And again I went berserk. I had just landed from a transatlantic flight that afternoon/evening. And, though jetlagged, possessed by the spirit of New York, I dashed out of my youth hostel on Amsterdam Ave 103rd something (i think), alone, without knowing what subway to take, or even how to take it, and wandered the streets of New York until it was past midnight and I could barely keep my eyes open.
But London is good too I guess. And strangely enough, as fate will have it, even though two of my friends got job offers in the same office as me, now it seems that I will be working alone after all. I will be starting anew.
My housemate suggested that it's good to start here anyway, since I know the people here and all. True, maybe. But I like starting afresh. And I love the Big Apple.
But being here has its merits... Jackie will be here. And having some family/friend support is good. The problem is.. Jackie may not be here NEXT year. And who knows, maybe she won't come back thereafter either. And besides, Siew Wei and KL will be there in the States for one more year. And it would have been tres fun to be there with them. And maybe Jackie might be there too.
And it's not like I'll never end up going there. I've always intended to ask for a rotation to the New York office during my first couple of years at least. And then maybe a subsequent long-term transfer. Besides, London being the HQ for my firm, it's better to be in the HQ. Plus we have a comparative advantage here rather than in US cos we have a smaller presence in the US. So exposure here will be better. And the hours here should definitely be better. Plus apparently the Londoners get earlier responsibility than New Yorkers too. Unless... because we are a smaller firm in the States, we have fewer staff in NY, so you get more responsibility earlier. *sigh* anyway... I've ranted enough now and I really gotta get going.
Results of New Hampshire primary:
Kerry - 39% of the votes
Dean - 26% of votes
Clark - 13% of votes
Edwards - 12% of votes
Hutton inquiry findings: The Iraq dossier was NOT sexed up. Of course there was a lot more to it. The report came to 328 pages (around there) PLUS appendices. But this is the most important bit.
Top up fees:
Blair won the vote. With Brown's support. The vote was won by a majority of 5 votes.
Okay... the most amazingly weird thing happened today.
A quick update on my net obsession first. So I discover there's this thing out there called syndication or RSS. I don't know what that is. Have to check it out soon.
Anyway.. I signed up with enetation for a comments service today. Did some testing, and the entire edit/delete function was wonkers. So I posted a message on the forum. A couple of people posted there too, and included their websites for John, the web-guy in charge to check out. Being a pathological web addict, I popped by their sites, and to cut a long story short, I followed a random trail of links to this site called Rice Bowl Journals.
Rice Bowl Journals is an Asian online journaling community. It's quite amazing that such a community exists. There are so many asians and part-asians out there, who are all over the world now.
As is my wont, I surfed (I was SO supposed to be doing my Law essay). And I've discovered that many of the bloggers are adults. Some are married, and even have kids! And I felt really happy. Cos it's reassuring to know that all over the world, people are having an online life. And that life doesn't stop when you grow older, have more responsibilities and so on. And in cyberspace, everyone is equal. I came across this blog of a secondary school teacher in Singapore. And I find it interesting that maybe his students are also in cyberspace. Maybe they will stumble upon his blog some day. After all, many young kids blog - I've even come across the blog of a 9 year old American prodigy once. When that happens (Will it?)... then that line between public and private life might blur. The student will know more about the teacher, his frustrations, his private life; and the teacher will know more about his student, how she thinks, her hobbies, worries, crushes? After all, I did come across the blog of my Development class teacher, though that isn't as bad, since at uni level, there is no need for a real division of authority.
And there have been blogs I have read off and on for a while. Slyflame is one of them. When I first started reading her blog, she was still in university. Now she is working. Just the other day I was revelling in the wonder of it... that this girl has grown. One can actually visibly see her progress... a record exists in cyberspace of her life. And it's weird really... that transition from school to work. And I was quite heartened by the fact that she continued to blog even after starting work. Because I want to continue mine, but am not sure if I will have the time and effort to put in as much as I have been doing (especially recently).
So when I read some of the blogs on Rice Bowl Journals and find that working, married adults are still blogging, I felt really moved. And some of them have a chronicle of their lives, like how this guy Scott met his wife Amy. And this other person Cyn put up pictures of her daughter on her blog. It is amazingly heartwarming. The strangest thing is... I think my faith in love has been restored because of this. Reading about how Scott and Amy met and then married. Knowing that they have been married 5 years and are still happy and are going to have a baby. And that Scott still has a life (as evidenced by the blog). It reassures me that people can be happy together, that marriages can work. And that marriage won't kill off all scope for an independent life. And apparently Cyn met her husband Mark on the internet (!!!), which is like... beyond all manners of amazing. He has just gained his citizenship (presumably in the States). They have been married for two years and have at least one kid. I think jl is their first baby. To overcome the barrier of distance and citizenship to be together. It's the stuff of fairytales. Yes, love actually is all around. It is magic that strikes, overcoming all barriers. (I'm wincing again as I can almost hear Wei Song and Jinnie chorusing: "Hopeless romantic!") And in the case of Scott, to break up, then get back together again. I will not hold out for that though. My life can actually be very normal. But it's good to finally take one step closer to BELIEVING. It has ever been my problem. The day I fully BELIEVE... but it's scary. Because the day I fully believe, is the day I expose myself to a potential bottomless pit of pain. Hmm... but when that day comes, I will no longer think like that. I just need to see more marriages working, more couples working.
Hmm... Just realised that my hair is really quite nice and longish now. I think by the end of Feb, I'll be able to cut it in the style suggested by Diana. And I'm really think of dyeing it shades of purple. Will check out with Toni and Guys if they do multiple colours. By then, the SEO interviews should have ended, and work is still a few months off, so my hair will be my own. So hope it works out.
American politics
Right now, I'm awaiting the results of tomorrow's New Hampshire primary with breathless anticipation. According to The Economist, "the winner or runner-up in the New Hampshire primary... has gone on to get the party's nomination in 11 of the past 13 elections". I hope that Kerry will win it, or Edwards (he's gorgeous. If he wins, he'll be the next Kennedy), or Clark, or Lieberman. Basically, I'm an Anyone-But-Dean girl.
I'm a Democrat, but a Clintonian one. That is, a centrist, third-way type, as advocated by Anthony Giddens our ex-director, and Tony Blair (guess why I'm such an ardent Blairite?). I trust Democrats more cos I think they are better with the economy (or at least Clinton was. And after all, I grew up during the Clinton era). Besides, I'm a liberal on gay marriage at least. I support women's right to choose abortion (although I'd much rather they not. Or that they did not have to choose, in the case of rape victims etc).
Furthermore, I'm anti-Bush. I am against most of his policies. I eschew his excessive pandering to special interest groups. I am opposed to the the tax cuts which favoured the rich.
On one hand, I can't wait for a Democrat to be back in the White House once again, and I want Bush to be defeated in the elections.
On the other hand, I want a Clinton in the White House (yes, I'm one of those easily brainwashed sheep, very susceptible to cults of personality). And Hillary Clinton can only run in 2008 as planned if Bush remains for another term.
And if the flip-flopping, wishy-washy, over-extremist Dean wins the elections, he'd probably not only wreck the economy with too much of his socialist meddling, but he'd also ruin Hillary's chance, then I definitely would rather grit my teeth and suffer through another Bush term. After all, I have been angry for the past three years.
The thing about Democrats is that... while I'm a self-confessed Democrat (entirely theoretical, since I have absolutely no voting rights Stateside), I'm not for far left policies. I'm more of a left-of-center type person. Those kinds of people seem generally more electable, and better with managing countries I think. The problem is... the extremists are always good at stirring up unnecessary trouble for the third-way-ers.
Top-up fees in UK
For example, in UK, people in the far-left are opposing top-up fees and impeding progress, for no rational reason. Except maybe to oust Blair (NOOOOOOO) Incidentally, the the top-up fee issue will be debated in the House of Commons tomorrow. So the outcome will be known... I hope people will vote with their heads and support top-up fees.
[in other news]
Shopaholic hits London
Not a really an appropriate blurb, since I'm not usually a manic shopaholic. But nonetheless, on Jackie's tip-off, I got a couple of items today:
- hand warmers from United Colors of Benetton (pink. it was the last pair left.)[2 quid]
- a colourful striped knitted cap from UCB/Sisley [4 quid]
- underwear from Debenhams [1 pound fifty]
Now I'll really be able to go crazy with the clothes!
I watched a movie starring Sammi Cheng last night, and I as totally inspired by her kooky dress sense. And I think I'm able to carry off that kind of crazyfunky OTT look. So now I just have to get a couple more items. Next on my wish list: A superlong coat that just skims the floor. Preferably with weird furry sticking out bits.
Blog design
I've just gotten an idea for a blog design, and have learned the way to get it done. Actually... I've seen the type of design elsewhere before: It's just setting a background image in the scroll-box.
But I was especially enthused about setting this one Parisian picture as the background. It is a lovely picture, nicely composed, and very much in my style (admittedly a rather common one for amateur photographers... since it's a rather classic composition). It seems a great way to showcase my 'work' too.
It's been about 2 weeks since I've been back to London. Life is getting into groove, and I've been kinda busy with stuff, so haven't been updating much. Blogging actually takes much love, patience, and loads of time.
Some things I wanted to write about but haven't had time:
- have downloaded 'Love Actually'. Watched bits of it. There's actually a story about a porn couple which were censored out in the S'pore version I watched. I cried again at many bits... the Keira Knightly story, the Emma Thompson story...
- downloaded parts of the first season of Gilmore Girls. cried in the first episode again. i think it'll be cool to have such a great relationship with my daughter in future
- have a new set of lecturers. hmmm... they're quite amusing and i have so much to talk about them! (sad though it may seem... to talk about teachers..
- Ooh... on Saturday, I had a fashion parade of all my clothes for Jackie. It was the greatest feeling in the world, to have loads and loads of clothes. And so suddenly too! Like a windfall. I felt so happy and luxurious. Jackie says I have so many clothes I really have to sort them out, or I'll be swamped by them and forget I even own some of them. How true! *beams happily* - An aside.. I really should put in more effort with dressing up and all. Yoke Phun has gotten much more feminine since I last saw her (before this trip back that is). And I've realised that beauty and most things in life is a matter of discipline. Nails included.
- In addition to my treasure of trove of clothes that I brought from home, I have two more steals, courtesy of Jackie! I have this lovely flared brown trousers from Next (5 pounds!) and a classysharp slightly bikerish black jacket also from Next (10 pounds!). Yippee!! The brown trousers will go beautifully with this striped turtleneck top I have, coupled with a black jacket, since the top has blue, brown, white and black stripes. *sighs contentedly*
- Today we had a family day again. We went out and had sunday roast (well yingxi and zhaotan did) at the pub near our place. And at night Leng Tuan cooked curry chicken, and post-dinner, the split into two groups by gender and watched batman (boys) and this movie starring sammi cheng, dao ming si, and andy lau. it was a love story. and i was wondering if it applied to me. i tend to obsessively look at love stories and wonder if it is real, or if it applies to me.
- Oh... and I tried my hand at my aunt's divine chicken 'kutu'. Although it didn't turn out the way it was supposed to. But I hate chopping up a WHOLE chicken. what seemed like good fun when done with xinmin, seemed like nothing more than a pain when endeavoured alone. I've been in a cooking mood lately though. Tried out 'pointed sweetheart cabbage' and Safeway 'greens', among other things.
- Oh yes, and I did the kissy thing with Randy (or he did it to me), which, a couple of months ago, I would have reacted to with absolute shock and died. But since this was a couple of weeks ago, it wasn't too bad.
- Otherwise, have been somewhat busy with my work. Seems like there's a never ending stream of assignments. My usual weekly Development. Two industrials at one go (which are over now. except for question 4 of exercise 1 which I really do want to have a go at). And my absolutely depressing mammoth Law essay. - Not actually mammoth. But having gotten a 69 (yay!!!) in my first one, which was nothing less than a miracle, I feel pressured to at least get a 70 in my next one and that's an impossibility, so I don't even feel like starting on it. *sigh* And then now that I have my textbooks, I feel inspired to use them. And the start of new term gives me hope that THIS term at least, maybe I can keep up with my work. Then there was the clearing room thingey.
Another sillyfun test, and an interesting result, given what KL said the other day about me being a girl next door underneath all the layers. Is it true?:
You have wings of STEEL. No one's really sure why, but at this point in your life you've shut off emotion to the point of extreme apathy. You are cold and indifferent much of the time...or perhaps you're just a good pretender. Next to impossible to get close to, even those who do never see the real you. It's entirely possible that YOU don't even know the real you. You have a certain fascination or attraction to destruction on a massive scale - disasters, perhaps even death or the concept of the Apocalypse. Because you hold so much inside, one day you're simply going to snap. Then the mask will fall away, and your true wings will be revealed. Until then you will deal with whatever comes your way in icy bitter silence and acceptance. On the positive side, you are fearless and immeasurably strong - not much can crack through your defenses. You intrigue people, who can't help but wonder why you're the way you are. A loner and one who spends much of their time brooding and contemplating life and death - you are a time bomb waiting to explode and create some destruction of your own.
I feel noble... I actually stayed up till 2.30am to complete my Industrial exercise (2), even though I have a 9am Contract class tomorrow. Mwahaha!
Heh... admittedly this was *after* Siew Wei msned me: 'you mean you're still not doing your homework? *peers*'
Guilt struck! And pierced my very marrow!
Thus, even with a splitting headache (which disappeared after I towel-dried my dripping hair, I embarked on the quest of attempting my work.
It wasn't difficult actually. Although just the *thought* of differentiating stuff (last week's exercise 1, qn 4, there was a question on a comparison of Bertrand and Cournot. and i can pretty much bet it's quite easy if only i remembered the steps to solve it. but, such as it is, i couldn't remember whether i how to find the best-response function. like what to differentiate, what to sub in where. and having to dredge up the textbook.... BAH! - so i promptly skipped the question. MWAHAHA. But i was chatting to Guoli and couldn't read it last week anyway. *smiles beatifically*) tired me out.
But, beset by guilt, I gamely decided to do some work. The plan was: do questions 1 and 2, and leave 3 and 4 out. - It's the thought that counts (in doing h/w)! So in between surfing the net, checking out blogs, figuring out codes (trying to plonk a calendar thingey on my blog. so i checked out my livejournal calendar function, checked out the 'meta' tag. really interesting stuff actually... and doesna seem too complicated either)... I managed to finish the first two questions. Just drawing game trees... which is, honestly... not *even* work. It's like a kid's game, except having to figure out how to do the rubbish backward induction. But at least it's a pretty much hit-and-miss thing. You think about it and tikam: if you get it, great stuff, but you can't really know if you didn't either. - At least it isn't the kind of work where you have to rack your brains for hours, juggle and struggle with strings of equations till the cows come home and contort numbers and differentials to prove something.
I decide to peer at questions 3 and 4, since 1 and 2 seemed like games and not really enough for me to claim that i've sweated over my assignment (hey.. if i'm not finishing it, i have to at least let my teacher believe i tried my best right? - and this didn't cut it). And question 3 part 1 was completely taken from today's lecture. It just requires loads of writing... the thought of which tired me out too. So i surfed and bummed again (haha look at me typing away now, instead of either sleeping or reading Contract), finally scrawled (you have NO idea how *scrawled*!) out the 'analysis'. Then I took a very cheapo shortcut for part 2 of that question.
Question 4 was quite short and fun too. I'm sure it required more thinking than I put in.. but i had fun with it.
That's one thing i LOVE about game theoretic type stuff (though not hard core game theory with maths and proving. i esp hate the infinite/finite repeated games shit)... it generally doesn't require much physical work... just some mind gymnastics. The only problem is... it's trickier.. and easier to get wrong esp in exams (which is why i dare not do it)... cos if your logic falters even the tiniest bit, you're screwed. And all the marks just fly out of the window. And that is the shitest thing in the world. I have had very bad experiences with being careless/panicky in exams.. and just HURLING 25% of my paper out the window. [downcast] *sigh*
Anyways... I feel happy now.
Hmmm... I think i'm just naturally lazy and VERY pre-disposed to taking the path of least resistance. - I mean.. I didn't even *look* at my assignment at first, before concluding that it'll be too difficult for me to do, without laborious reference to textbooks and/or notes.
So... I should vigorously encourage myself by strutting around whenever I do work. MWAHAHAHAHA (again). ^_^
I feel very chinese today. I actually spent the entire morning clearing up my room, putting things away, throwing out old papers. I even vacuumed my room, which is nothing less than a miracle, mindful of the fact that according to chinese superstition, you are not supposed to sweep or throw anything away during the 15 days of chinese new year, because if you do so, you would have bad luck for the rest of the year, having swept your luck away.
I have actually grown a lot more chinese in many ways, since I have come abroad. Like I only discovered the chinese superstition about carrying debts into the new year two years ago, during my first chinese new year in London. I never used to eat 'bo2 zai1 yun2' (a small bottle of tiny medicinal spheres, which is miracle drug purported to cure everything from sore throats to fevers to constipation to indigestion), because my mom is a nurse who naturally believes in Western medicine. But since coming to London, I have imbibed this miracle drug on occasion, since my friends have very helpfully exhorted me to try it. - I'm not positive on its efficacy. But certainly it hasn't done me any harm, and it provides at least psychological comfort, if nothing else. Now I've also learned to take 'Pi2 Pa2 Gao1' (Ubat Batuk Cap Ibu dan Anak) for my coughs, and I now swear by it.
My mom says she is happy that I've learned more about our chinese customs. She once told me that she has always worried about me not knowing my culture, because we have never followed much chinese traditions in our house. I don't think my mom sets much stock by chinese superstitions. She has never told me rubbish like: 'If you don't eat all the rice on your plate, your future husband will be pimply.' Or: 'Don't shake your legs, you'll shake all your money away.' Instead my mom exhorted me to finish my food because I should appreciate the food that I have, and think of the starving children in Rwanda, and told me that shaking my legs is rude. So I find it shocking that people have grown up learning all that. Furthermore, I have been away for so many years, that my parents have never had the chance to inculcate me with my heritage.
It must have been difficult for my mom. To have been apart from her only child for so long. And to worry about whether I have been brought up properly, whether I am sensible, whether I know my own culture.
But oftentimes, I think we must leave it all up to fate. And have faith that things will turn out alright. - I think I'm quite a good kid. Considering that I've been pretty much growing wild on my own since I was really young.
But about my chinese-ness or lack thereof... to be honest, my mom herself is really modern and liberal. She has never impressed upon me the need or importance of following chinese traditions. Maybe because chinese traditions are essentially chauvinistic, and chinese society is patriarchal. And after all, my mom would want to protect her only daughter. In her era, daughters were seen as worthless, because all the investment in daughters will accrue to their husbands' families. Daughters leave the family to marry into a stranger's family.
Instead, my mom has always emphasized the need to be independent, and to care for my own family. Even till today, my mom is close to her family and helps them out. She is very responsible and leads by example. She has also said she will never pressure me to marry. She has repeatedly said that it is better not to marry than to marry an unsuitable guy. I am always so proud of my mom because of that. And so happy that my mom will always support me, and allow me my freedom to choose, instead of forcing me down a path I may not like. It is a relief that I will never feel the pressure to settle down before I am ready.
Another thing about my mom which impresses me is the fact that she has own circle of friends. As I was growing up, I often followed my mom to her girls' day out gatherings. Where a bunch of women friends would spend time away from their house and husbands. I think that is the ultimate cool thing, especially for someone of her generation. It's the coolest thing that she's a working mother, at a time when most of her contemporaries were housewives. I'm incredibly proud of the fact that she fought for the opportunity to go to nursing school, when her dad wanted her to stop schooling after Form 5.
I think my mom is the bestest ever. She's the woman I admire most in the world. And so I will not stand for any man to even try to denigrate any woman. I'm a militant feminist, because anything less means all that my mom fought for and paid for would be wasted.
I did this test. There are several versions of the test... with either 9, 18, 27 or 45 questions. the longer the test, the more accurate the results. The following are my results:
For the 45-questions one, my initial result was 'Mother Theresa'. I got really shocked and figured I must've got something wrong. (Haha... I couldn't believe I can be so noble!) So I redid the test several more times. I got 'Che Guevera' once. Then the rest of the time, I got 'JFK' most often. And a couple of times 'Einstein' and 'Hitler' again. So I guess the first three tests were moderately accurate, and captured some aspects of my personality. Incidentally, I didn't get all the possible leaders. Cos the girl on whose blog I came across this test got 'Saddam Hussein'. And I didn't get that.
A new layout for a new year. Although it is somewhat past the Gregorian calendar new year, and not quite yet the Chinese lunar calendar new year (which falls on the 22nd of January this year).
I actually have a few new year's resolutions this year, after not having any for a couple of years. The past few years, I was protesting the essentially contrived nature of 'time' and of resolutions. My logic was that if one truly wanted to change for the better, one could set down that resolution any day of the year. It is better to start at once, than to contrive to start it on new year's day, then fail to adhere to it.
But this year I thought it'd be fun to play at resolutions again. So here they are:
+ to stop biting my nails
+ to exercise 4 times a week (i get to define 'exercise' haha)
+ to springclean my room before Chinese New Year and to throw out everything which "might come in handy *some* day..."*
**But the last resolution might have to be modified to: 'to springclean my room sometime before spring. since CNY is the day after tomorrow and my room is still an infernal mess.
By the way... there is one thing I must note here: The very day I came back to London from Malaysia, I encountered two pieces of dui4 lian2 (a pair of chinese phrases on red paper) on either side of my front door. I was floored. Flabbergasted. I felt no small amount of irony that chinese new year decorations have not even begun to be displayed back home. When I got into my house, I found my entire house decorated with random bits of red Chinese New Year paper. Mine was the only room not thus invaded. The enthusiasm of my housemates is quite amusing.
And tonight, carried along by the enthusiasm of one particular housemate (zhaotan), we spent a couple of hours thinking up games to play for tomorrow night, which is New Year's eve, when we are having a reunion dinner. We were cooking up unlikely scenarios for 'Whose line is it anyway'. Haha... we'll see how it goes tomorrow!
